My Misadventures with the Oscars

      My late-ish thoughts on the 85th Annual Academy Awards.

Fellini, about the Oscars from Fellini on Fellini

- I was not feeling the Oscars till about 1 a.m. last night and then I could not fall asleep due to the excitement. This was a bad thing since I had to give a film studies exam after eight and a half hours and I had officially stopped giving a shit.
- I woke up at 5:30 a.m. after having slept for only two and a half hours give or take. I was going to start studying but I decided to go on Twitter and Tumblr instead and start freaking out over everyone's dresses.

- Favourite dresses were La Chastain and Miss Adams. A goddess and a princess, both redheads.
- Speaking of men, Daniel Day-Lewis and Christoph Waltz were hot stuff in blue and Daniel Radcliffe, Hugh Jackman, Chris Pine and George Clooney looked amazing too. Sexy older men ^^

- Kristen Chenowyth was so annoying on the red carpet. Someone tranquilize her.
- Anne Hathaway, why? It will forever be known as the nipple dress. Ask the twitter account.
- So anyways, show starts.
- I can't come to a conclusive opinion on Seth MacFarlane's hosting. It was incredibly offensive most of the time and many jokes fell flat, but his musical stuff and the random jokes in between were pretty funny. I don't hate him though. Just the song "We Saw Your Boobs". Maybe because I did not expect much.

Truer words have not been spoken.

- Tommy Lee Jones laughing!
- Speaking of the good stuff, Charlize "The Goddess" Theron dancing in a flowy gown (with Channing Tatum) followed by a number by Daniel "My Dream Husband Since 2001" Radcliffe and Joseph "Adorbs" Gordon-Levitt (and Seth MacFarlane) were just awesome. I forgive the entire ceremony just for these two things.

- I liked the Flight-sock puppet thing.
- First award of the night, Best Supporting Actor, went rather deservedly to (though not my first choice) Christoph Waltz. He quoted Tarantino. Most successful Tarantino actor ever.

- Did anyone think of Leo?
- Oh Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy = worst presenters ever. Which did not even make sense because they are usually adorable and hilarious but I could not understand what the hell was going on. Paperman and Brave won though, so yaay for animation!
- A number of The Avengers came to present the visual categories. No Chris Hemsworth, ScarJo or Hiddles though. Once again, I must request the Oscars to give Robert Downey Jr. as Oscar for being himself.

- Worst win of the evening- cinematography. For two years now, this award has been given to the wrong person. I mean, Roger Deakins in Skyfall was beyond spectacular. Someone give him 10 or 20 Oscars already.
- Visual effects for Life of Pi made sense because Richard Parker is a beauty (even though I officially want James Bond to kill him now).
- Orchestra kept playing the Jaws theme to make the winners shorten their speech. It was funny the first time with Life of Pi and all. After that, it was plain rude.
- Anna Karenina won Best Costume and Les Mis won Best Make-up. I agree on the first one though I wish Ishioka would have won. The latter is a pointless category because Cloud Atlas was not nominated.
- The James Bond tribute was mainly shit. None of the Bonds even came. However Dame Shirley Bassey was on!
- The direction was all over the place. They cut to De Niro and Bradley Cooper after some black thing and then didn't show reaction shots for any of MacFarlane's jokes. I heard people laughing. Dunno :/
- Documentary was given out. That dude with that awesome accent was awesome.
- The musical tribute- Catherine Zeta-Jones has still got it. Jennifer Hudson got a standing ovation- what? She was just screaming.

      At this point I had to leave to go give my exam. I thought it was a clever decision to leave before Russell Crowe started to sing. Anyways, I was incredibly annoyed throughout the exam and I wrote at breakneck speed and with total disinterest. I should pass but I couldn't care less. Once I finished, I tried checking the results on my phone but the goddamn thing had to die on me then (technology sucks balls) and then I stood like an idiot for fifteen minutes waiting for the traffic flow to change when it wasn't going to for another hour. The ride back home was long and irritating and hot. However, once I was near functional technology again, I was very happy with the results.

- So back to the point I left off. Another good reason to have gone before the Les Mis number-

       WHAT IS AIR?! I could not have concentrated on my exam if I had seen this before. I really liked the entire performance. Even Russell Crowe couldn't ruin it.

- Chris Pine! I wish he would have presented with Benedict Cumberbatch though.
- Ugh Ted and Jew jokes. Anyways, aren't the computer generated stuff on the Oscars totally awkward for the audience?
- ZOMG TIE!! Skyfall :)
- Did anyone else think that all the Zero Dark Thirty clips were huge spoilers for the people who haven't seen it yet?
- Question- what if someone had a proper fear of sharks? What would the Jaws theme do to them? I think Fassy is terrified of the film.
- Christopher Plummer is brilliance. "Pick someone your own size." Haha. Also, wasn't Amy Adams just terrifying in The Master? I was happy at Anne Hathaway's reaction. It was genuine. Also, "It came true" is one of the best openings to an Oscar speech ever.
- Popcorn ladies are here again!
- Oh those lucky bitch college students. Man, Hugh Jackman and George Clooney were in that crowd.
- Sandra Bullock's hair accessory was gorgeous. Just saying. Happy Argo won editing. Also, Silver Linings Playbook had terrible editing. Why was it nominated?
- I love that Jennifer Lawrence introduced Adele. She's a huge fan, as she said in the Jimmy Kimmel interview.
- Adele is so perfect. All these people got to see her perform live! :P She was actually singing also, and not screaming. Although, apparently screaming ensures a standing ovation. Really people?
- Nicole Kidman is such a class act. She's a genuine fangirl. Tarantino looked really pissed though.

- Daniel Radcliffe presented with Kristen Stewart. I didn't realise she was on crutches (through no fault of my own). They played the Harry Potter music. Thanks for remembering after 10 fucking years, Academy.
- Salma Hayek's introduction was so funny. As was Meryl Streep's later on.
- George Clooney is lovely. He presented In Memorium. I cried. Nora Ephron :( Also Barbara Streisand was really good.
- Chicago crew came to give the music awards. RICHARD GERE! Life of Pi won Best Original Score and "Skyfall" won Best original Song. Oh god, I love Adele.

"I want to thank my man."

Twitter Haneke is the best.

- Best Screenplays were next. Argo got Adapted and Chris Terrio's speech was very nice. And then Quentin Tarantino won Original. YAAAYYY! Django Unchained isn't the greatest but the man definitely is. Last year Woody Allen won this award. Two years, two movie gods.

- He and Charlize are neighbours :O
- Poor Leo. Of course he is not there.



- Oh Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas came to present Best Director. I would love for Fonda to introduce me. She's so theatrical, it's great!
- Yaay Ang Lee won! He seems like the sweetest man who ever lived. He said some of the funniest things. Re: the cast- "I can't waste time talking about them" and about thanking his lawyers- "I have to do that." Also, NAMASTE DUDE!

Ang Lee and DDL are the nicest people ever.

- Jean Dujardin is a cutie. YAYAYAYAY JLAW! And she fell, but it was okay because Jean Dujardin, Hugh Jackman and Bradley Cooper all ran to her rescue. And her speech was really endearing given the circumstances. "Happy Birthday Emmanuelle!"

- Btw, Hugh Jackman = perfect man.

- Did Meryl Streep even look at the envelope? Also, Joaquin Phoenix at the Oscars everybody-

So much pain.

- Daniel Day-Lewis is the first man ever to get three Best Actor Oscars, and though I did not care for his Lincoln performance (the voice annoyed me too much), it could not have happened to a better man and actor. His jokes were brilliant. Next film should be a comedy with Meryl, amirite?

- Jack Nicholson is boss. And woah, Michelle Obama! Anyways, yaaaayyyy for Argo! 

Ben Affleck's speech was the best. I was watching his and bezzie Matt's Good Will Hunting win yesterday and this is another classic. My favourite part was him thanking the lovely Jennifer Garner, "I want to thank my wife, who I don’t normally associate with Iran, but I want to thank you for working on our marriage for ten Christmases. It’s good. It is work, but it’s the best kind of work and there’s no one I’d rather work with." George Clooney was just the classiest man throughout.

- The final song was nice.

        And there you have it. The winners were pretty good and the hosting was somehow still tolerable and ZOMG DANRAD AND ENJOLRAS!

"Once there was a Hushpuppy." - MY FAVOURITE PERFORMANCES OF 2012

       This has been a year of some really good performances. Choosing a top 20 was pretty difficult. I hope you like them.

Honourable mentions: Tommy Lee Jones in Lincoln, Dane DeHaan in Chronicle, Ranbir Kapoor in Barfi!, Dwight Henry in Beasts of the Southern Wild, Rosemary DeWitt in Your Sister's Sister.

20.

Ben Whishaw in Cloud Atlas

For a film that had a lot of actors playing various characters, Ben Whishaw's portrayal of an optimistic, gay musician in the 1930s stands out the most. Whishaw can show vulnerability and cockiness in equal measure and delivers some of the most heartbreaking scenes of the movie.

19.

Christoph Waltz in Django Unchained

The biggest problem for Waltz, in my eyes, was that he was competing against his own portrayal of Col. Hans Landa, which is such a perfect performance that Dr. King Schultz was bound to be a tad disappointing. Still, the way the man delivers lines is an absolute pleasure to watch and he has technically become the most rewarded actor in Tarantino's repertoire so that's definitely something.

18.

Jean-Louis Trintigant in Amour

Amour is a film that is barely in my lists because I could not watch it with an objective perspective. However, Trintigant is so perfect and tragic and helpless and human in this film that he had to be mentioned.

17.

Rebel Wilson in Pitch Perfect

No one this year has made me laugh as much as Wilson's Fat Amy did. A brilliant comic turn. 

"I'm gonna finish him like a cheesecake!"

16.

Hugh Jackman in Les Misérables

After having watched him as the tough and hardened Wolverine all these years, nothing is more surprising than seeing Jackman tackle a role like Jean Valijean. The Oscars he hosted proved that he could sing, but to show this much emotion and heartbreak and guilt, all while singing, was marvelous to watch. His is my most favourite Oscar nomination of the year.

15.

Kareena Kapoor in Talaash

I do think that Kareena Kapoor is one of the very few high-profile Bollywood actresses today who can actually act and there are certain kinds of roles that she was made to shine in. She did it in Jab We Met and she does it again in Talaash. As the seductive and mysterious Rosy, Kapoor crackles on screen and entices us to fall for her charms.

14.

Robert De Niro in Silver Linings Playbook

De Niro's Pat is unlike all the characters I usually associate him with. He is a man who is trying to control everything around him- his book-keeping, his family, his life and though that isn't really possible, De Niro just brings so much heart and warmth and humour to the role. Save the dance, all my favourite scenes in the movie have De Niro shining in them- the heartfelt talk with his son played by Cooper, chasing the annoying neighbour kid down the street, his first meeting with Tiffany and of course, his words of wisdom at the end. Also, he is one of the most accurate onscreen depictions of a normal dad I have ever seen.

13.

Marion Cotillard in Rust and Bone

When I had read the plot of the film, I thought it will be one of those downright weepers and Cotillard will have to play a stereotypical, super melodramatic role of an amputee. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is a cold serenity about her but that just makes her entire arc that much more believable. She obviously suffers and feels, but the role is so much more than that. All my favourite moments of hers are when she does things that overcome her difficulties, like swim in an ocean or dance on her wheelchair or give strength to someone losing a fight or revisiting the whale who caused her injuries.

12.

Ezra Miller in The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Talk about making a role more than just its stereotype. Miller's Patrick is a gay teenager, yes, but he is also outrageous, funny, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, caring, broken, and just the greatest friend one can ask for. It is one of the loveliest and liveliest portrayals of a young person I have ever seen and Miller is just wonderful in this role.

11.

Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook

If one looks at Lawrence's Oscar-nominated performance in Winter's Bone and then the one in SLP, they can see how insanely talented an actress she is. Tiffany is loud, unpredictable, sexy, manic, sad, humorous- all at the same time. Lawrence has made her an unforgettable character and I am sincerely praying that she wins that Oscar.

10.

Logan Lerman in The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Keeping my feelings towards his looks aside, Lerman has been a total revelation in this film. Charlie in the book was nice but I had my issues with him. But Lerman's Charlie is a character I connected with very closely. I honestly feel that if I had been in an American high school, I would be almost exactly like him. I really got him, and the way Lerman portrays his joys and sorrows and the final secret just made me love him so much more.

9.

Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook

Never in my life did I think that I would be this in love with Bradley Cooper's acting skills. I have always thought of him as an attractive douchebag, and though Pat Jr.'s honesty can sometimes be inappropriate and mean, it is also incredibly endearing and frankly, lovable. My favourite thing about Cooper's definitely Oscar-worthy performance is his reactions to the other actors. For a film that thrives on chemistry, Cooper shines the most.

8.

Matthew McConaughey in Killer Joe/Magic Mike

You know what I just said about being surprised by Cooper's talents. Just amplify that a 1000 times and you get my total astonishment at McConaughey's acting skills that he has shown this year. On one hand I was mesmerised by his charisma as Dallas in Magic Mike and on the other hand, totally creeped out, but in a good way, by his ruthless Joe in Killer Joe. Bravest performer of the year.

7.

Anne Hathaway in The Dark Knight Rises/Les Misérables

What a year it has been for Hathaway. Her Selina Kyle paves a whole new path of her own, different from her predecessors. She is sexy and ruthless but not without a conscience. She brings levity in a very bleak film and is just a joy to watch in all her femme fatale-ness. Her Fantine is very much the opposite. The most tragic character of all in the film, her "I Dreamed A Dream" is one of the most bold and raw pieces of  acting that I have seen. Truly deserving of that Best Supporting Actress Oscar.

6.

Leonardo DiCaprio in Django Unchained

For all our "Poor Leo" sighs, it is still heartening to see that here is a man who keeps giving brilliant performances without ANY rewards in return. Calvin J. Candie is the kind role that I had been praying for Leo to tackle because he always plays such sad characters. Calvin is plain gleeful in all his malevolence. It's a joy to watch him be this horrible yet hilarious, "rambunctious" man. He has rewarded my curiosity with a total attention-grabbing behemoth of a role, and I am sure that one day his time, too, will come.

5.

Denzel Washington in Flight

My knowledge of Washington is abysmally lacking. He just is one of those actors who you grow up knowing are great at what they do. Flight proved this belief. His Whip is a broken, addicted man who throughout the film, has to come to terms with his problems, but he keeps brushing them aside and thus delves further into them. It is only at the end does he do something so extreme and heartbreaking that we know and he knows how truly lost he is. It is a role that requires a lot of denial and desperation in Washington's part and he does so beautifully.

4.

Joaquin Phoenix in The Master

I had to debate a lot between who to put higher- him or Washington. But Freddie Quell is a performance of a lifetime. I believe the term 'animal magnetism' has never been symbolised better. There is an beast-like quality to Quell, the way he walks and fights and talks. At the same time, we are drawn to him and whatever it is that conflicts him or compels him to behave the way he does. Phoenix is just magnificent here and oh man, what a great fucking face!

3.

Rachel Weisz in The Deep Blue Sea

Hester is lovely. Her confusion between choosing a stable, coma-inducing marriage and an unstable but passion-ravaged affair and what it does to her and what it makes her do is just a fascinating character study. As I read somewhere, she makes you fall in love with melancholy. And all this is because of Weisz's beautifully nuanced portrayal of Hester. She is gorgeous and conflicted and sad and silly and doomed, but she truly is lovely.

2.

Denis Lavant in Holy Motors

I don't get this movie, but it is just alluring to watch and the biggest reason for this is Lavant's chameleonic performance. The way he moves from one persona to another, always believable and awe-inducing. My favourite bits of his performance are however whenever he is the "real" Oscar, whoever that is, in the car, on his own or talking to his chauffer. There is this sense of weariness and disappointment there- of what and caused by what, I don't know. But it just makes me feel so much for him.

1.

Quvenzhané Wallis in Beasts of the Southern Wild

I don't know how much she acted or was taught or whatever. All I know is that at 5 years old, she auditioned for the role of Hushpuppy and the director Behn Zeitlin was so impressed by her, that he even changed the script to suit her personality. Her performance just blew me away. She is like a ball of pure energy in the film. Her narration is fantastic and so is her chemistry with her onscreen dad, Dwight Henry. From her outbursts to her poignant parts, she won me completely over. She made me cry, she made me marvel and boy, can she stare down a beast?! One of the strongest, most human and beautiful performances of the year and I am so glad that she has become the youngest Best Actress nominee ever. No one deserved it more.