"I can't fucking believe I won." THOUGHTS ON THE 72ND GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS

 

           Okay so usually, I'm all like "OMG Globes are everything" and blah di blah but I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed this year. We'll get to that soon. Also, happy 2015 everyone. This is an odd sort of profanity-filled post to start the new year with but whatevs. If Amy Adams can keep winning Best Actress Comedy awards for roles that aren't fucking funny, I can do this, right?

1) Let's begin. I woke up like 5 minutes before the show started (which starts at 6:30 am here, in case y'all thought I was some kind of a lazy sloth based on how I run this blog) and I missed what people wore at the red carpet. Thanks to Buzzfeed though, I was able to catch up and well, I didn't like most of it. White and disco silver were the trending colours. My favourite looks were Dakota Johnson, Emma Stone, Anna Kendrick and Tina Fey's sexy lady tux (which I couldn't get a better photo of, sorry!).

2) Among the men, there was Mr. Walking Sex himself aka Jamie Dornan, being all scruffy and, well, sexy. God bless Buzzfeed for posts like these.

Among others, I also thought Jake Gyllenhaal looked especially fine and I loved David Oyelowo's (nailed it!) sparkly suit.

3) Okay so the show starts. I missed like 20 seconds of Amy and Tina's last ever Globe monologue *sobs*. They were pretty good. Loved the Emma Stone "Big Eyes" bit, especially her reaction.

Also Joaquin Phoenix being hilarious.

Can "Oh hey Joaquin" become some sort of viral catchphrase now? Like the opposite of "Bye Felicia"? Make it happen, universe. Also, is it me or is Joaquin slowly turning into Michael Stuhlbarg. I love Stuhlbarg but can we have looking like his hotter self from before? I mean, he used to look like THIS once upon a time.

And then there was the Amal Clooney bit. I want to be her so bad. Like be really intelligent while also looking like a goddess on earth.

They also played "Would you rather" and it was completely on point. Tina Fey's insistence on choosing Chris Pine was amazing and in that moment, I too was Tina. Finally, there was the Bill Cosby joke which was okay, just a little too long.

4) The first presenters were Benedict Cumberbatch who "volunteered" to come on stage with Jennifer Aniston. Aniston was wearing a dress with a thigh gap a la Angelina Jolie in 2012 Oscars except not as classy. Their bit was just weird. But then JK Simmons won and praised his above average children so all was well.

5) Mr. Walking Sex and Dakota Johnson came to present something but I don't remember what 'cuz who cares? Look at them! They're both so hot. I'm super looking forward to Fifty Shades of Grey.

6) JLo and Jeremy Renner came to present. I have no clue what JLo was wearing though Renner did make a comment on her "globes" so that was, um, nice? Fargo and Billy Bob Thornton won awards in their respective categories which was awesome!! Love both! Up until that time, I thought no one will beat Thornton's succinct and controversy-proof thank you speech but I was wrong. Still, it was great.

7) I want Colin Firth and Cumberbatch to come in a film together. But only after Cumberbatch and Alan Rickman come in a film together. This has nothing to do with the Globes. Firth presented The Imitation Game. I know it's the spiritual successor of The King's Speech but TKS was still so much better. And *I* am saying that.

8) Then the awkward North Korean film critic (?) thing started and it just went on for too long. It's sad that the last Amy and Tina hosted show had to go out like this. Still, we got another Cumberbomb.

9) My favourite win of the whole award show which *almost* saves it in my eyes is Gina Rodriguz getting Best Actress Comedy for Jane the Virgin. She is soooooooooooooooooooo good in that show and the show itself is fantastic and her speech was so heartfelt and beautiful, it made me tear up.

Oh and Ruth Wilson got Best Actress Drama for The Affair and though I don't watch that, FUCK YEAH ALICE MORGAN!

10) Transparent won Best Comedy Series and that was great too. Jill Soloway wore an awesome suit and she dedicated the award to the trans community and Leelah Alcorn.

11) Selma won for Best Song and Common's speech reminded me again why it is such a powerful film. The Theory of Everything won for Best Score which, though beautiful, has nothing on Mica Levi and Ross and Reznor imo.

12) Matt Bomer won Best Supporting TV Actor. He's so ridiculously good-looking. He's like a Mattel doll if Mattel made dolls inspired by Old Hollywood stars.

The second one's for Sati.

13) And from there, everything began to go downhill. Best Actress Comedy, an award that in a sensible and just world would have been won by Jenny Slate, went to Amy Adams for Big Eyes. I haven't seen Big Eyes, nor do I want to. The trailers make it obvious that Adam's role in this is as hilarious as it was in American Hustle last year. I'm going to go ahead and assume that Julianne Moore taking a dump in Maps to the Stars is funnier than anything Adams does in Big Eyes. Even Adams was not expecting it and her speech was terrible.

14) The Lego Movie didn't win Best Animated Feature which was sad. I love How to Train Your Dragon 2 but it's not even close to the brilliance of The Lego Movie.

15) Jared Leto came next with his stupid hair and his stupid beard and started talking. Every time Jared Leto talks, a fairy somewhere groans so loudly out of disgust that it falls down dead.

ugh jared leto makes me hate freedom
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) January 12, 2015

That was my favourite tweet re: Globes. Anyways, he presented Best Supporting Actress to Patricia Arquette who was all awesome and nerdy and she talked about single moms and about Meryl Streep and it was just lovely. Arquette for president!

16) Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig were great!! I think they should be the next Globe hosts. They presented Best Screenplay to Birdman which I didn't see coming at all. I loved Birdman but it's got nothing on Gone Girl.

17) Among the other television awards, Jeffrey Tambor, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kevin Spacey and that chick from Downton Abbey won. Tambor was great. They kept showing Jake during Maggie's speech so that was fabulous and her speech was too. She talked about how there are roles depicting complicated women out there nowadays and how that is a good thing. Spacey's speech was another excellent one. He dropped the f-bomb but then went on to say a beautiful anecdote about keep wanting to do better and made me tear up AGAIN! Screw these talented actors and their heartfelt speeches. Also this was Spacey's first Globe win which is insane.

18) Mommy was not nominated for Best Foreign Film so I wasn't really paying attention to it but apparently Ida didn't win so yaay!

19) One of my favourite things about the Globes used to be how they always get interesting presenters, from Shahrukh Khan to the real Philomena but this year they got Katherine Heigl. Just going to leave that here.

20) George Clooney got the Cecil B. DeMille Award. It was all good. I really liked the cilp they played. I had honestly forgotten how many superb movies he has come in. Oh and they showed Out of Sight clip but not the bathtub scene one, therefore missing a huge chance for getting a collective orgasm from the crowd and the viewers. But they did show Ryan Gosling so it balanced out. Clooney's speech was nice and he was all lovey-dovey towards Amal because who wouldn't be? Have you seen her?!

21) Linklater won Best Director which was awesome! Yes, I wanted Fincher to win more but it's okay. Linklater is one of the greatest filmmakers EVER and it's gladdening to see him finally get the recognition he deserves.

They've adopted him, haven't they? 

21) Chris Pratt and Anna Faris everyone.

#relationshipgoals

22) Michael Keaton won Best Actor Comedy and got all choked up when thanking his son. It was v. sweet. I still love Fiennes more but then The Grand Budapest Hotel won Best Film Comedy so I was happy overall. That was the first time I've heard Wes Anderson give a speech and it was appropriately quirky and funny.

23) Then the awards announcer dude was called the Best Film Drama the biggest award of the night, pissing me off YET AGAIN! Why do they always do that? Why the hierarchy? Have you seen the movies in Comedy this year? Come on, man.

24) At some point, Catherine Zeta-Jones had come to present something or the other and her dress looked really familiar to me. This is why:

oh shit. oh shit. it's her. #goldenglobes pic.twitter.com/2QIyqdyuLY

— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) January 12, 2015

I'll never be able to look at her, or the emoji, the same way again.

25) Then for Best Actress and Actor Drama, Globes fucked everything up. Moore got Actress. I love Moore, I really do, and I admit that I haven't watched Still Alice yet, but is there is no way she's better in a straightforward role like that than Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl. They could have easily given her Best Actress Comedy and awarded Pike for Drama. Fools! And then Redmayne won Best Actor Drama which was again idiotic as hell. Jake was freaking amazing in Nightcrawler. He too underwent a physical transformation for his role but it was to help with the emotional side of it, unlike Redmayne's who is *only* getting rewarded for the physical thing. Felicity Jones was the emotional heart of The Theory of Everything and the only one doing really awards-worthy work there. Redmayne is adorable as hell but I'm so disappointed in Globes.

26) Finally though, Globes did try to salvage the mess and awarded Boyhood Best Film Drama. Phew! I know it's fun to have some uncertainty and boring to have a clear-cut forerunner but we shouldn't begrudge an achievement like Boyhood for that, which works not because of the 12 years put into it but because of the heart put into it.

And that is it. I hope you enjoyed whatever this was. I'm going to leave you guys with a picture of hot George Clooney in a bathtub because unlike the Globes, I actually give people what they deserve (and we ALL deserve this). 

Byeeeee!

"Like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio." GOLDEN GLOBES ARE HERE!

   
        Hi guys! My favourite awards happened again! I enjoy the Golden Globes a lot. I know most people hate them because they're like oh so cool and above it, but I have a lot of fun with them and I end up loving most of the winners, even more than the Oscars (nominate Leo, you mofos!).

1) So they didn't show the red carpet again, which is highly annoying. My internet speed sucks right now and it really is a candle pain in the ass to google red carpet arrivals at 6 in the morning. And it's so cold here too. I wanted to sleep but like any female person of 21, I *needed* to see pretty/ugly/weird (Paula Patton wtf) dresses.
2) Fun fact: my exams are in 5 days and I haven't studied a thing and I should be getting up at 6 to study but obviously I have my priorities straight.
3) Elisabeth Moss looked fantastic! So sleek and shiny and geometric. And man, I want shoes like that! Hers was my absolute favourite look of the evening.

I also really loved what Queen Cate, Emma Stone, Lupita Nyong'o and Caitlin FitzGerald wore.

4) Um, what were Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Watson wearing? Yes, I get that "Lawrencing" is now a thing, but that was one weird-ass looking dress. And Watson's clothes made me feel uncomfortable. It was so strange. Either wear pants or wear a dress, god! I love both of these women, but noooo.
5) However, JLaw did photobomb Taylor Swift, so all's forgiven.

6) SEXYFASSYSEXYFASSYSEXYFASSYFEXYSASSYSESSYFAXY *brain dead due to Michael Fassbender's sexiness*

7) Scruff was a general trend among the hot, HOT men- Fassy, Idris Elba, Chris Pine (my scruffy god), Leo and the man with the best face on earth, Joaquin Phoenix.

8) Fun fact: Everytime they showed Joaquin Phoenix laughing during the show, my heart sang a song à la Her.

9) The show finally begins. Amy and Tina are there making jokes and everything is as beautiful as always. Some choice jokes.

"Welcome to the 71st Annual Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Lee Daniels' The Butler Golden Globes Awards."

"We are hosting the Golden Globes for the second time because this is Hollywood and if something kinda works, they'll keep doing it until everybody hates it."

"American treasure, Tam Honks." (I'm going to use that throughout this awards season, I promise)

"Meryl Streep, so great in August: Osage County, proving there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60."

"Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." - Best. Thing. Ever.

"For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, [Matthew McConaughey] lost 45 pounds, or what actresses call, being in a movie."- This too. BEST.

They cut to Jennifer Lawrence for the Amy Poehler intro. Her reaction was hilarious.

The Julia-Louis Dreyfus intro deserves a whole lot of applause on its own. Smoke that e-cigarette, gurrrlll!

Points to Reese Witherspoon for being such a sport.

10) I love Amy and Tina hosting this much because they do point out things like in the case of Clooney and McConaughey that are so incongruous in today's pop-culture, but they do it with enough charm to get away with it.
11) Also, they really got it in for Tam Honks, Martin Scorsese and most of all, Matt Damon this year. Wonder why. Still, it was funny.
12) So the first award was Best Supporting Actress and Jennifer Lawrence won that. Her speech was really sweet, almost as adorable as her date, Nicholas Hoult. I just want to say that I really do think that she did a great job with the one dimensional character she got in American Hustle and used all of her god-given star power and charisma to flesh out that role the best she could. However, she should really not be getting any awards this year. There are far, far superior performances that *should* be getting attention but aren't. If you just go with the kind of character she played in AH, there were Scarlett Johansson, Emma Watson and Margot Robbie, all of whom would have been a better choice. I blame Harvey Weinstein.
13) The next award went to Jacqueline Bisset who went into shock a little bit and as touching as it was originally, it became kind of super awkward to watch, especially with all the qualudes jokes that immediately started on Twitter.
14) Oh Margot Robbie and Jonah Hill came to present the Best Picture nomination for The Wolf of Wall Street except the teleprompter was showing the wrong stuff and then they started explaining it and Robbie got all embarrassed. It was hilarious and so cute. Some backstage person, who just reached the highest point of their life then, gave them a written speech and they continued. I really like Robbie :)
15) Bryan Cranston and Breaking Bad won Best Drama Actor and TV Show (Drama) and it was so well-deserved and brilliant and then Aaron Paul wrapped up the latter speech with "Yeah bitch, thank you!" I have never missed a term of profanity more in my life. So annoyed he didn't get the Best Supporting Actor award. BITCHES!

16) The way they kept playing all the people off was super-annoying and disrespectful. Just calm your tits, orchestra.
17) They brought the real life Philomania Philomena and Nicki Lauda to present their respective films, Philomena and Rush. I greatly respect the Globes for doing that. For all the claims of it being a show pandering to Hollywood royalty, it is the only award show which actually brings all these people who are so far removed from all that glamour and on whose normal, exciting, amazing lives, we get a lot of the movies. Bravo, I say.

18) The song categories were presented by P. Diddy (is that what he's called now?), Usher the third, Duke of Doucheville or something like that, and Kate Beckinsale, aka the oddest trio ever. Beckinsale looked positively vampiric. Someone wants another Underworld sequel, holla! They gave both the awards to All is Lost. Diddy was seriously pissed and tried to hug Bono, out-awkwarding Bisset by a mile.

19) AND NONE FOR TAYLOR SWIFT, BYE! (No, it will *never* get old)
20) Amy Adams won Best Comedy Actress for what seemed to me the only dramatic part in American Hustle. Seriously, with or without the hideous British accent, Sydney was a sad and dark character. Still, I do love Adams so I will pretend she got it for all the other times she's deserved to win. I wish actual comedic performances like those by Greta Gerwig and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, or if we are going the "dramedy" way, Julie Delpy would have won :( Anyways, RDJesus gave the award so yippee!
21) The Miss Globe this year was Kevin Bacon's and Kyra Sedgwick's daughter. That was the boring bit. Then Tina Fey came and introduced Mr. Globe, her son with someone in the audience- Randy.          

SO FUNNY! (look at Idris saying yes *swoons*)

22) Robin Wright won for House of Cards and thanked David Fincher. We should all thank Fincher just for existing.
23) Best Supporting Actor went to Jared Leto. Like uh duh. I've already lost interest in this category. For a tiny second, I thought maybe Fassy would win (since Hill isn't nominated- booooo), but nope. And then Leto went up and started talking about waxing again- like shut up about that already! Yes, I think you have very pretty eyes and very nice hair and are generally hot and your performance in Dallas Buyers Club was rather good, but now, you are just annoying me.
24) I started watching the Game of Thrones season 4 trailer during Leto's speech. Jorah, I have missed your sexy sexiness.
25) Oh then my own Khaleesi, Emma Thompson came on stage with her shoes in one hand and a martini in the other, to present the Best Screenplay. I would go to war for her.

26) Spike Jonze won the award for Her! YAAAAYYYYYYYY!! Spike Jonze has overtaken Paul Thomas Anderson for the being second sexiest director (Fincher being the first, duh). He's so cute and attractive and I want him.
27) Andy Samberg went Best Comedy Actor for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Leo shook his hand :) His speech was the best of the night. It was like a parody of a speech but it was still honest. I loved it. Also, all the SNL people looked so happy.

28) The Great Beauty won Best Foreign Film. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! That movie was so over-the-top, it made my brain bleed. Also, it didn't star Adèle Exarchopolous and Lea Seydoux so we all know who the real winner is here.
29) Real-life Disney prince and princess, Chris Pine (unffff) and Emma Watson came to present Best Animated Feature, which went to Frozen and thus it was all very apt.

Let's take a moment to appreciate him again.

30) Khaleesi from the show, Emilia Clarke and Chris O' Donnell (I think :/) came to present Best Comedy Actress and it FINALLY went to Amy Poehler for Parks and Recreation. Apart from one award that will come up later, this was my favourite win of the night. I love her and her performance and her speech was hilarious too. Aubrey plaza was jumping out of joy (April Ludgate would not approve). Also, ew who wants to kiss Bono? He's like 80 years old.
31) The Woody Allen tribute happened next. He won the Cecil B. Demille Award, and Emma Stone gave the introduction. I cried during the montage of his films. Since Woody doesn't come to award shows, his cinematic other half, Diane Keaton (who just rocked her tuxedo), accepted on behalf of him and she sang a song, like Annie Hall would, in appreciation.

"Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. A circle is round, it has no end. That's how long you're going to be my friend."

It was so beautiful. She also spoke about how Woody has written such incredible roles for women over the years, and then the camera just panned across the room and there were indeed so many "Woody" actresses there. 179 actresses have been in his movies. Like wowsers. I cried here too. I really love Woody. If anyone deserves to live forever, it is him. I seriously want to meet him just once in my life. Also, kind of amazing that Stone and Keaton both came. Hopefully, it is a sign.

32) Ben Affleck's ugly chin came next, with the rest of him, to present the Best Director award which went to Alfonso Cuarón. Woo hoo! I literally fist-pumped the air when his name got announced. He seems like a wonderful person.
33) Then came THE award. I had started losing faith about Leo winning Best Comedy Actor because of this America Hustle sweep, but bless the film gods, LEO WON! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!! He pointed out how weird it was that he won for his comedic performance, thanking his " fellow comedians" but seriously, no one has made me laugh more in a movie. I wish Kate Winslet was there though. Then Leo could have declared his love for her like she did all those years back and the world would become an even better place. #JackandRose4eva

34) Still, the HFPA seemed pleased as punch with American Hustle, presenting it with Best Film Comedy/Musical. Just so wrong. I am going to start hating on AH because of all this unnecessary love. It is not the best film of any genre, except if wearing bad wigs or showing too much cleavage or blowing up an oven were genres. Please let it not become a frontrunner. It shouldn't even get an Oscar nomination.
35) Then Golden Globe winner Leonardo DiCaprio came to present Best Dramatic Actress. His intro (title of the post) was AWESOME. Seeing him present the award to Cate Blanchett was great. I think both of them have done similar work this year- using all of their talent and charisma and then just going batshit crazy with it. Cate is so graceful and beautiful. I don't think I could ever look directly at her. She's like the sun. Also she questioned the horrible play-off music-

"I just wondered if people at home can really hear this music or do they suddenly just think that you're just getting really fast because you're having a panic attack."
Followed by this cracker of a line-
"Plying me with vodka in the way Judy Garland was probably plowed with barbiturates."
How do they come up with this stuff?

36) Jessica Chastain came next to present the Best Drama Actor, which she gave to Matthew McConaughey (somewhere, Stevee Taylor was dancing). I admit I didn't listen to his speech but yaay! I am going to pretend the award is for WoWS, Magic Mike and Killer Joe instead.
37) Also, let's all give an award to Margaret for drunk-tweeting the Globes. It was beautiful.

37) And finally, Johnny Depp with bleached blonde hair came and presented Best Picture Drama (since Drama is soooo superior to Comedy), which went to 12 Years A Slave. A lot of people were relieved. I'm okay with it. I totally think that they will split the Best Film and Best Director at the Oscars too, 12 Years A Slave taking the former and Cuarón for the latter.

      And that was it. Yaay for Fassy coming on stage for *something*. There was no Gosling again and aww, no Hiddles even though half the Avengers were there. The only wins I am pissed with were American Hustle, The Great Beauty and Jon Voigt. Still, Leo, Amy, Spike and Woody were more than enough to make up for all that. Plus, so many shots of happy Joaquin. Anything that makes Joaquin happy, makes me happy. Now onto Ellen to wrap this up.

Be still, my beating heart.

“Quentin Tarantino is here, the star of all my sexual nightmares." GOLDEN GLOBES HAPPENED, BICHES!

           I bloody love the Golden Globes. They are always so much fun and incredibly unpredictable, which just adds to the fun. Though I respect the Oscars more (don't ask why, it's an inherent thing, like it is for everybody else), Globes is my favourite awards show and the 70th Golden Globes Awards just reaffirmed that.

1) I went to bed at around 2:30 a.m. and then woke up at 5:30 a.m. panicking because I thought I had missed them. Turns out they start an hour later and for the first time in a very long time I had to listen to modern pop music on VH1 (which was airing the show) to stay awake. It was trauma (I HATE YOU MAROON 5!).
2) And yes, I have slept for only 3 hours so I apologise for any craziness that may or may not occur in this post.
3) Though they didn't air the red carpet, my absolute favourite gown was what Lucy Liu wore. It was like something out of Marie Antoinette-

I also really loved what Kate Hudson, Amy Adams and Naomi Watts wore. They were all so dramatic.

4) Rachel Weisz's outfit was a classic example of how a good dress can go bad. She's so beautiful though.

5) Anywho, the show starts and the hosts, part-time comedy goddesses, Tina Fey and Amy Poeher kill it! So funny. Some classics- 

"When it comes to torture, I trust the lady spending three years married to James Cameron." (Jessica Chastain's face here was priceless).

"Anne Hathaway, you gave a stunning performance in Les Miserables. I have not someone so totally alone and abandoned since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars." 

“Meryl Streep isn’t here tonight. She has the flu, and I hear she’s amazing in it.”

 Daniel Day Lewis being E.T. He looks like such a silver fox. I love it.

6) The first award is Best Supporting Actor and lo and behold, who should win it but Christoph Waltz! Ugh, category fraud. And Leo looked so pretty. I miss pretty Leo. Isn't Golden Globes supposed to be partial to like gorgeous royalty, wtf?

7) Miss and Mr. Golden Globe were children of Clint Eastwood and Michael J. Fox respectively. "You know what, Taylor Swift? Stay away from Michael J. Fox‘s son." Fey threatens later. Lulz.

8) Oh then the president of HFPA comes and hits on Bradley Cooper. Poor Cooper.

9) I know it's trivial to speculate but I think Cooper and J-Law are totes going out. It's all that awesome dancing and staring into the eyes.

10) They got the real Tony Mendez to announce Argo's Best Picture nomination. So cool. Oscar's never do this.

11) Ang Lee looks like such a nice, happy person. And I hate Suraj Sharma. I want to be there!!

12) One of my favourite awards of the evening- Adele won Best Original Song for "Skyfall" and hi-fived James Bond and gave an adorable speech and Taylor Swift was left seething. It's okay though. She will probably write a song about it.

And real talent wins!

13) Benedict Cumberbatch did not get an award AGAIN! And he lost to Kevin Costner who sounded really sad and stuff.

LOOK AT HIM! JUST LOOK! GIVE HIM A BLOODY AWARD!!!

14) Oh then Bill Clinton comes to announce Lincoln's nomination, which was so not fair. He got a standing ovation. I once went to some function where he was the chief guest. He wore a very nice suit. "That was Hillary Clinton's husband!" Leslie Knope speaking through Amy Poehler.

15) At some point Homeland won a ton of awards and Claire Danes's make-up was really sexy. Also Maggie Smith won so yaay!!
16) Man, the commercial breaks were torture. The ads alternated between some Michael Jackson memorial thing with people crying, bloody Taylor Swift promoting her new album and Aishwarya Rai's Loreal commercials, in which she says "Now I am a mother with gorgeous hair." OH MY GOD SHUT UP BICH!
17) Btw, "bich" is my new thing now. Yes, I decide what stupid fads I want to follow.
18) Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrel presented Best Actress Comedy/Musical and were hilarious to everyone except Tommy Lee Jones, who wins the Best Expression of the Golden Globes Award.

He is the Grumpy Cat in human form.

19) Jennifer Lawrence won and she was really funny and sweet. Her "Oh, what does it say? I beat Meryl" was taken from The First Wives Club, so no, it was not a failed joke. She is smarter than us all.

20) Then Anne Hathaway won and she desperately has to work on her surprised face, because you can see through it very easily. Almost makes me wish that when she got up, someone else's name got called out instead. Her thanking Sally Field was really lovely though.
21) Quentin Tarantino won Best Screenplay, making it another favourite win of mine. He was so, in the words of Adele, "pissed" that it was very entertaining to watch.

22) Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger presented the Best Foreign Film award (duh?) and all I wanted was a fight. Of course Amour won and Michael Haneke accepted the award from fellow Austrian, Schwarzy (are he and Schwarzy  gonna become bezzies now? Methinks 'twas meant to be).
23) Oh I really wanted Anne Hathaway and Claire Danes to have a jazz freakout together. That would have been fun.
24) Sacha Baron Cohen came with a drink in his hand and wittily insulted most of his Les Mis co-stars and also made a joke about Anne Hathaway's unfortunate wardrobe malfunction, and then continued to present the Best Animated Film award. Again, duh? Still, Brave won, so GO PIXAR! Maybe I should get a Pixar tattoo...
25) Lena Dunham won the Best Actress Comedy in television and was really sweet and thanked all the other nominees, but Tina and Amy were not amused. Also, this-

Amy Poehler's nomination being announced.

26) Robert Downey Jr. came to introduce Jodie Foster and give her the Cecil B. Demille award. Someone needs to give him an Oscar just for being himself, because he is unparalleled in his awesomosity.

27) I love Clarice Starling to death. One of my absolute favourite characters and performances of all time. But oh my god, I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or what, but I could not follow anything Jodie Foster said in her acceptance speech. She was burning through a lot of topics really fast. There was something about coming out but then it wasn't, and Honey Boo Boo and reality TV and her mother and some dog whistle and by the end of it, it sounded like she was going to shoot herself on the spot. People in the audience were crying. I was very lost.
28) Mel Gibson- BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
29) Ben Affleck won Best Director, which was brilliant. Argo Fuck Yourselves, Oscars.
30) Hey, hey! Ryan Gosling wasn't there :( And they never showed Cumberbatch again. Eddie Redmayne makes me want to howl though.
31) Girls also won Best Comedy show. Yaays! Season 2 starts today!! Eeeeep!!!
32) My absolute favourite win of the show was Hugh Jackman winning Best Actor Comedy/Musical, beating the frontrunner, Cooper. I was watching his Oscar's opening number just yesterday and I love him so. He was fantastic in Les Mis.
33) Les Mis also, very shockingly, won Best Film Comedy/Musical instead of the favoured and far more superior Silver Linings Playbook. Anne Hathaway is getting slightly annoying.
34) “Our next presenter is so handsome, he makes young George Clooney look like garbage.”
“Welcome to the stage, middle-age George Clooney.” - best intro ever.
35) Unfortunately, Clooney did not make any jokes about golf clubs or anything. He did poke fun at Ben Affleck though (who had forgotten to thank him in his speech :O). Jessica Chastain won Best Actress Drama and was wonderful, although I would have much preferred to see Rachel Weisz take home the Globe. And Daniel Day Lewis won Best Actor Drama, hence making the Best Actor race the most boring category of the year.
36) Oh Joaquin Phoenix was totally there. Maybe he likes the Globes more than the Oscars. Maybe it was all the alcohol.

See.

37) Argo won Best Picture Drama! Woo hoo! I wish Drama and Comedy were kept on the same pedestal though. The preference of one to the other is depressing, literally. Anyways, I hope this happens at the Oscars as well.

38) "Good night! We’re going home with Jodie Foster!”

Your move, Oscars.