January Blind Spot- Rashomon (1950)

         I was very happy with my chosen list of blind spots until I found out that for some reason, the majority of those movies are really difficult to find here. Therefore, though I had intended to start with something simpler and with a lesser "classic" status, I had to go with Rashomon. And well, it will be fair to say that I won't be surprised if this ends up being my favourite blind spot this year.

         SO GOOD!

          I have wanted to watch Rashomon ever since I heard Aaron Sorkin talk about its influence on The Social Network. I think everyone has a faint idea of what the story is about because they've heard about the "Rashomon effect". I'm going to give the barest of bare plots and say that it's about the varied accounts that four different people give of the same murder that has taken place.

         I don't want to say more because the fun of the film is going in without much knowledge, especially in regards to two of its narrators. I did not see them coming at all and it just added an extra layer of intrigue to an already fascinating film.

          Of course the major point this film makes is how malleable even something like truth can be in a world like ours. There is no absolute truth and that can terrify us, like how it did the wood cutter and the priest, or turn us into cynics, like the listener who comes their way, or we can be the silent, unseen judges who listen to the whole case but whose judgments remain unsaid. It is an unsettling and profound idea that the film explores and one that I haven't yet made my mind about fully.

         I also loved the place of ego and societal expectations of what men and women should act like in the whole conflict of who is telling the truth. The main focus of the stories is an incident that takes place between a samurai, his wife and a bandit. In (SPOILERS) each of their narrations, they present themselves as the more heroic figure, whether it is in terms of strength or suffering or inability to live with shame on their honour. It is also interesting to note how all of them take the responsibility of the crime to prove this point, which is again something I did not expect at all because I feel the usual assumption is that most people would do the opposite. This is put into a sharper contrast by the last narration we hear because it subverts the portraits the others had painted of themselves in their own versions. (END SPOILERS)

         The cinematography is another huge reason why I was so impressed with this film. It is absolutely stunning. The film has only three settings- the Rashomon gate, the woods and the courtyard. All of them by themselves and in contrast to each other provide some great visuals. The interplay of light and shadow in the woods, the starkness of the courtyard especially in the scene with the medium, the closeups of the lady and the scene when she has been "had" by the bandit- all of these have left an indelible impression in my mind.

         The acting of the film is also very good. I especially liked Machiko Kyō who played the samurai's wife. I felt that she had great control even in her melodramatic parts because she was often on the brink of going overboard but then did something completely unexpected instead.

          Kurosawa co-wrote the film with Shinobu Hashimoto and it was based on two stories by Ryūnosuke Akutagawa. Many film theoreticians believe that the ambiguity of truth in the film reflected Japan's defeat in the second World War which was something added to the story by Kurosawa because the original stories were written before the war. I think that is an interesting little historical setting but it doesn't really affect my reaction to the film because it explores questions beyond just a specific time period. I was much more absorbed by the fact that even the actors kept asking Kurosawa which version of the truth is real and he refused to tell them because he knew that that would defeat the purpose of the film.

         As I wrote above, the film has only three settings. My final reason of loving this film so much is its apparent simplicity. It is under 90 minutes which seems improbable because of all the themes being examined but there is such economy and clarity of focus that it becomes obvious why it is regarded as a towering cinematic achievement all over the world. The only other Kurosawa film that I have seen in its entirety is The Seven Samurai and though that is 3 hours long, I had come to the same conclusion that I did with Rashomon which is that nothing in these films is unnecessary. Everything is full of meaning and significance and maybe it's just the English major in me talking but that enriches the film even more. That a film doesn’t have to be complicated and confusing in order to be complex felt like such a refreshing concept to me.

          Yeah, so, I loved it. It was everything I thought it would be and so much more and all the other clichés of the same ilk. If you guys haven’t seen it yet, please do. It is uber short, and cool and entertaining and thought-provoking! All the other blind spots this year officially have a lot to live up to.

Let's Get It Started- MY 30 MOST ANTICIPATED FILMS OF 2015

         I usually post this list on 1st January every year but due to exams etc., I wasn't able to. However, it is finally here! It was very hard to make it. I started with 20 movies in mind, then I did some research and the list expanded to 25 and today I looked at some more "most anticipated" lists and now this list contains 30 films. Well, technically 31. You'll see. 

        It was super weird to actually make this list because we've been talking about 2015 and all its big movies for AGES and now that it's here, it's just strange. My list has a few of the blockbusters but a lot of the smaller, indie directors that I have grown fond of in the last couple of years have their films coming out this year and I have more of those. I feel like Adam Driver is in all the films in this list (Year of Adam Driver?), followed by Alicia Vikander and Tom Hardy.

       I must also plug the upcoming Across the Universe Podcast episode where I list down what was my top 5 most anticipated 2015 films (the list is slightly altered now) along with Mette and Sofia. Keep your ears out for that one.

30.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (Dir: Guy Ritchie)

I have kicked out a lot of what might be much better movies to keep this on my list because, well, LOOK at these two men! And there's Alicia Vikander and Elizabeth Debicki who are also super hot (and Hugh Grant who used to be hot). It could be a lot of fun. I still really like the first Sherlock Holmes movie and I just rewatched Snatch and remembered the amazingness Ritchie is capable of. Here's hoping it's not another This Means War.

29.

Demolition (Dir: Jean-Marc Vallée)

Jake Gyllenhaal is in a lot of movies this year and though this is the only one making my list, I'm sure they will all be amazing seeing the track he's on. I haven't seen Wild yet but Vallée gets really good performances from his actors. I also like its story.

28.

Untitled Woody Allen Project

Seeing Woody's track record, this one should be good. I love the pairing of Joaquin Phoenix and Emma Stone and also that Woody is setting the film in America again. Please let this be a Blue Jasmine and not a To Rome with Love!

27.

Ant-Man (Dir: Peyton Reed)

This was my #1 most anticipated film of EVER when Edgar Wright was attached to it. He left but we do have a very interesting cast led by the adorable and now officially hot Paul Rudd, so I am still looking forward to it. Marvel does try to do different things within the superhero genre parameters and this one has been described as a heist movie and I am curious to see how they pull it off.

26.

The Revenant (Dir: Alejandro González Iñárritu)

As Michael Keaton said in his Golden Globe speech, every actor now wants to work with Iñárritu. So it was obviously really exciting to hear that he's teaming up with Leo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy next. The story is a kind of a revenge western and I can't wait to see what they all do.

25.

Silence (Dir: Martin Scorsese)

I love stories about religion and Scorsese has been trying to make this one for a long time. Though it also stars Liam Neeson and Adam Driver, I am most excited about Andrew Garfield because he hasn't had a chance to really act since The Social Network and he has so much potential which could be tapped into in a film like this. You go, Garfield!

24.

Tulip Fever (Dir: Justin Chadwick)

Honestly, the only reason I am so looking forward to this is Jack O'Connell. Pretty sure he doesn't even have a big role but that's who I'm here for. Although the story IS interesting and the rest of the cast, led by Dane DeHaan, Alicia Vikander and Christoph Waltz are also good so I'm not completely insane to include it here.

23.

Joy (Dir: David O'Russell)

Yes, American Hustle was a pain in the ass but I can't forget how much I loved Silver Linings Playbook and the awesomeness of JLaw and O'Russell coming together. This is quite a zany subject for a biopic (it's about the creator of something called the Miracle Mop?) and I feel that both the film and JLaw will do a really good job.

22.

Magic Mike XXL (Dir: Gregory Jacobs)

I adore Magic Mike and though I never imagined it having a sequel, I am totally OK with one, or twenty tbh as long as these gorgeous men keep stripping :P I'm curious to see how this one will fare without Soderbergh however.

21.

Money Monster (Dir: Jodie Foster)

Hello again, Jack. I didn't even know this film existed or that he's now working with Hollywood heavyweights like Julia Roberts and George Clooney, but yayy! It seems like an interesting story and I'm pretty sue Jack (and everyone else) will be up to the task. I'm also excited to see what Foster does.

20.

Untitled Cameron Crowe Project

Emma Stone, Bradley Cooper, Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray etc. etc- this film has an amazing cast and Crowe is capable of greatness and I am basically pumped!

19.

Life (Dir: Anton Corbijn)

Corbijn made one of the most stunning and heartbreaking biopics that I have ever seen, Control, and now he's making one again about another tragic, young talent- James Dean. I still don't understand how a film that stars Robert Pattinson and Dane DeHaan has the latter starring as Dean and not the former but I'm going to put my trust in Corbijn.

18.

Mad Max: Fury Road (Dir: George Miller)

This film is on my list solely on the basis of its trailers. I honestly prefer watching its trailers to watching entire films, they are *that* spectacular. I hope the film delivers on the promise.

17.

Bombay Velvet (Dir: Anurag Kashyap)

This is the only Bollywood film in my list and it had to be here because of the director and the talent involved. Though I have only seen 3 of Kashyap's films, I am already a fan and this is the starriest movie of his so far, so I am intrigued to say the least. Both Ranbir Kapoor and Anushka Sharma can actually act, and that too really well, and I like that they're taking a chance with an offbeat director like Kashyap.

16.

Frankenstein (Dir: Paul McGuigan)

Daniel Radcliffe as Igor? James McAvoy as Frankenstein? The writer of Chronicle and the director of Lucky Number Slevin and Sherlock's "A Scandal in Belgravia"? And all of this in one film? What is this awesomosity and when can I watch it?!

15.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Dir: J.J. Abrams)

I like how little we know about this film and how much potential it has in all our eyes. The new cast is diverse and exciting. Abrams at least can make fun movies. And the teaser was awesome! I'm in.

14.

Tomorrowland (Dir: Brad Bird)

I have infinite faith in Bird because I have loved all his films so far and though this ones seems a bit risky, I think he can pull it off. Also, Britt Robertson is adorbs.

13.

High Rise (Dir: Ben Wheatley)

I am so intrigued by the plot. It's like a dystopia in a building, which kind of reminds me of Snowpiercer, which is obviously a good thing. Plus the whole cast is amazeballs and it is led by the brilliant Tom Hiddleston. Cannot effing wait.

12.

The Lobster (Dir: Yorgos Lanthimos)

Lanthimos previous two features, Dogtooth and Alps, were thought-provoking and unforgettable works of art. This is his English language debut and this story is equally tantalizing, as is the cast he has rounded up which includes Colin Farrell, Ben Whishaw, Rachel Weisz and John C. Reilly.

11.

Midnight Special (Dir: Jeff Nichols)

I really liked Take Shelter and Mud broke my heart. So I was on board with anything Nichols made next. Then came the news that it will star Kirsten Dunst, Nichols regular- Michael Shannon, and Joel Edgerton and that it has a sci-fi angle and I got really excited. I think this film will be great.

10.

Sicario (Dir: Denis Villeneuve)

After Prisoners and Enemy, I can watch a washing powder commercial directed by Villeneuve. Lucky for me, his next project is slightly more interesting than that. It's about a CIA agent who is pushed to her ethical and moral limits on a job across the borders. Also it stars Full Metal Bitch herself, Emily Blunt and Josh Brolin and Benicio Del Toro. I love Blunt and am super stoked to see what she does in this film.

9.

Crimson Peak (Dir: Guillermo Del Toro)

Del Toro is returning to his horror roots with this film that has a very exciting cast- Hiddles, Mia Wasikowska, Jessica Chastain and Charlie Hunnam. I love that Hiddles is playing a creepy charmer and the whole ol' timey horror feel of this film. If it is even 1/20th as good as The Devil's Backbone, it will be worth the price of the cinema ticket.

8.

Inside Out (Dir: Pete Docter)

My love for Pixar has been well-documented on this blog. Unless it is a movie about cars, I am here for any and every thing Pixar does, and ever since I heard about the concept behind Inside Out, I have been really curious to see how they tackle it. Plus I love the fact that Amy Poehler is in a Pixar film. Dawwwwwww.

7.

Spectre (Dir: Sam Mendes)

I loved the hell out of Skyfall and when it was announced that Mendes is returning for the next Bond too, I couldn't wait! This is set in a post-Skyfall world with (spoilers) a new M and it will be interesting how the new dynamic between Ralph Fiennes' M and Daniel Craig's Bond will develop. Also, it has Lea Seydoux, Monica Bellucci and (yawn) Christoph Waltz, who plays the villain (double yawn). As excited as I am for this film, I still wish they had the balls to make someone like Seydoux the villain. Still, Bond is Bond and we always want more of him.

6.

Macbeth (Dir: Justin Kurzel)

Fassy as Macbeth and Marion Cotillard as Lady Macbeth are two of my most favourite casting decisions of all time. These are such meaty roles for actors like them, who have immeasurable talent, and I am sure that they will find new things to explore and portray in something as well-known as the "Scottish play". Plus, the film is said to be really dark and gritty and I am so ready to experience all of that.

5.

The Death and Life of John. F. Donovan (Dir: Xavier Dolan)

Dolan is my new film god and he can do no wrong in my eyes. So obviously,  I was pumped for his English language debut. Then he went and Twitter-flirted with Jessica Chastain and got her to star in what has been described as a Miranda Priestley-ish role in his film about the film business and I got even more excited. However, he then cast Kit "Stupidface" Harrington and the film slipped a couple of places in this list. Still, I think if anyone can maybe make me hate Harrington's face less, it is Dolan and also, I have tried imagining what Chastain will be like in this film and it has given me goosebumps.

4.

Carol (Dir: Todd Field)

This film was in my most anticipated list last year and it is here again because I really cannot fucking wait for this film. I think it will be wonderful.

3.

Mistress America and While We're Young (Dir: Noah Baumbach)

I've tagged them both here together because while for some, While We're Young is a 2014 film, it will only come out here this year, and then there is Mistress America which is also supposed to release in 2015. I have heard great things about the former and the latter reunites the lovely Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach after the delightful Frances Ha, which I loved to bits, so it automatically becomes a must-watch for me.

2.

The Hateful Eight (Dir: Quentin Tarantino)

I don't need to explain this one, right?

1.

The Avengers: Age of Ultron (Dir: Joss Whedon)

If you weren't expecting this as my most anticipated film of 2015, you really don't know me. Hello, I am Nikhat and I FREAKING LURVEEEEEEEEEEE THE AVENGERS!! Okay? Okay. 

I have honestly been waiting for this film ever since I saw The Avengers and my excitement has only increased exponentially since then. Still, I am not hoping for it to be better than The Avengers or something equally futile like that- I just need it to be really good. I have become a Whedon fan post-Buffy and I really think he can pull something like this off. Also, James Spader's Ultron sounds terrifying and good supervillains are literally the best.

Are you excited about any of these? What are your most anticipated 2015 releases?

The Month that was December and the Year that was 2014

       Okay so half of January is over and everyone has already forgotten 2014 but I need to close the book on it in this blog. SO HERE WE ARE! I'm sorry guys, I had exams + had to recuperate from those exams. Life of an Indian student and all, ya know? But better late than never and this post is fucking late already.

         First up, December! I watched quite a few movies in December. I just really wanted to end up with a final tally of 300 movies watched over the year and I did that :) Yayy!

Firsts:

1) Bird People- What a stupid movie. Would have definitely walked out of it if I had managed to catch it in the film festival.
2) Mr. Turner- This was my first Mike Leigh film ever (and yes, I do know I suck at being a cinephile) and I really liked it. It was very beautiful and Timothy Spall was excellent.
3) I Origins- I liked it up to a point but then I found the big climax really strange and it didn't really recover for me. I love Michael Pitt though.
4) The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, part 1- I really liked it. Natalie Dormer!
5) Nightcrawler- Oof this was dirty and I loved it so! Amazing performance by Jake Gyllenhaal. Didn't expect to laugh as much as I did.
6) The Skeleton Twins- Aww this was lovely. I adore films about funny, sad, fucked up people. I'm still listening to "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" btw.
7) Palo Alto- I couldn't care less about what was happening in this film. Emma Roberts was good though.
8) The Theory of Everything- I was surprised at how much I liked it. It was mostly because of how heartbreakingly good Felicity Jones is in this film. For me, the film was all about her character and her love story.
9) The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Them- I liked it but it had potential to be even better, which is why I *really* need to watch the Her and His versions.
10) The Way He Looks- Awwwwwww so cute!!
11) The Trip to Italy- It was more of the same thing as the first The Trip movie but god, Italy is gorgeous!
12) The Tale of Princess Kaguya- Very beautiful and sad.
13) St. Vincent- I didn't really care for it. Seemed manipulative and kind of bland.
14) Horrible Bosses 2- The shit I watch for Chris Pine. To be fair, I did like the first one but this one was terrible.
15) PK- SO GOOD! I loved it. Tackles important issues with a great deal of heart and humour.
16) A Star is Born- My last Blind Spot entry of 2014. I had problems with it but Judy Garland made them go away.
17) A Field in England- Easily one of the trippiest films I have ever seen. Still not sure what to make of it. Looked stunning though.
18) Pride- AWWWWWWWWWWWW!! But it wasn't just cute and happy but also heartfelt and human and sad and lovely and it's the best "based on a true story" film of the year by a mile.
19) '71- Pretty fantastic. Loved the way it was shot. Jack O'Connell was amazeballs too, obviously.
20) The Interview- My Christmas movie, duhhhsssss. It started out really funny but it kind of sags towards the end. Still, I had a blast.
21) Land Ho- I really liked it. It was like a less intellectual and more heartfelt version of The Trip. Gave me hope, it did.
22) The Book of Life- How can someone that looks so good be so meh?
23) This is Where I Leave You- It was okay but I thought it would never end.
24) Foxcatcher- Becomes better and better the more I think about it, but I did have to be really patient while watching it. Excellent, surprising performances.
25) Clouds of Sils Maria- It was v. different than what I had thought it would. Really interesting and engaging still.
26) Force Majeure- My last movie of 2014 and what a bang (pun intended) to go out with. Loved it. Never ever ever ever ever ever have I laughed so much at someone crying.


Rewatched:

1) Dev D- For our Bollywood podcast. Never noticed that it was Nawazuddin Siddiqui singing "Emosanal Atyachar"
2) Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge- Bollywood podcast. Best Bollywood movie ever.
3) Lagaan- Bollywood podcast. I always forget how good it is. Bloody long though.
4) Calvary- Still one of the best films from 2014.
5) God Help the Girl- I'm still listening to "I'll Have To Dance With Cassie".
6) How to Train Your Dragon 2- I loved it even more this time. Hiccup is a hottie.
7) My Fair Lady- I kept falling asleep while studying Pygmalion so I HAD to put this on. You know, for studying purposes. Obviously. Totes.

TV shows:

1) The Fall, series 2- Oh what a wonderful, twisted show. I never know what to expect even though I keep thinking that I've finally got it figured out. This series ended in a most tantalizing way and I really hope there is more. a) Favourite episode: "In Summation". Just the interrogation scene alone secured it this spot. b) MVP- Cannot possibly choose between Jamie Dornan's Paul Spector and Gillian Anderson's Stella Gibson. They're both incredible in this show.
2) Selfie (RIP)- I'm still so sad that this show was cancelled. It had sooooo much potential! It was wacky but cute. I really enjoyed it, especially Karen Gillan's and John Cho's natural chemistry. a) Favourite episode- "Imperfect Harmony" Never expected an episode like this. Funny and heartbreaking. b) MVP- I love Cho's Henry but Gillan's Eliza really owned this show. She was so funny and brave and ditzy and I loved her accent.

Note: I couldn't find favourite quotes for The Fall and couldn't decide on any for Selfie (RIP) though I must mention the genius in coming up with something like "The Urineversity of Southern Bladderfornia".

Final Tally of 2014:

Firsts: 232

Rewatched: 71

Total: 303

Number of Television Show Seasons Watched: 30 (from 24 shows)

         Now for all of 2014: I think it was mostly a meh-bordering-on-shitty year. But yes, film-wise, it was excellent. I watched more movies than I did in 2013. I took part in the Blind spot series even though I wasn't the best at it. I didn't really review anything apart from these films but I hope to change that this year.
I will soon start my "Best of 2014" lists but here are my 10 best first watches among films not from 2014, in order of preference:

Full Metal Jacket

Judgment at Nuremberg (Blind spot)

Gangs of Wasseypur

The Killing

Teeth

The Secret in their Eyes

Blue Velvet (Blind spot)

Cabaret

Blow Out

Stranger than Fiction

        As far as the TV shows are concerned, this was a great year too. I started Buffy (and I will finish it soon, I promise!) and was blown away by its awesomosity. True Blood came to an end and I was with it all the way, unfortunately. New shows like Broad City, The Fall, Jane the Virgin, Fargo and Selfie (RIP) were some of my favourites of the year. I will do a post on these shows soon because I do watch A LOT of TV now.

          Uh, musically, I was kind of a cave person most of the year unless you count soundtracks. There were some really amazing soundtracks this year which I'm still listening to tbh. Still, I need to be more musically aware in 2015. #MidJanuaryNewYearResolution

         And that's it, I think. Here's to 2015, fo' realz!

"I can't fucking believe I won." THOUGHTS ON THE 72ND GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS

 

           Okay so usually, I'm all like "OMG Globes are everything" and blah di blah but I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed this year. We'll get to that soon. Also, happy 2015 everyone. This is an odd sort of profanity-filled post to start the new year with but whatevs. If Amy Adams can keep winning Best Actress Comedy awards for roles that aren't fucking funny, I can do this, right?

1) Let's begin. I woke up like 5 minutes before the show started (which starts at 6:30 am here, in case y'all thought I was some kind of a lazy sloth based on how I run this blog) and I missed what people wore at the red carpet. Thanks to Buzzfeed though, I was able to catch up and well, I didn't like most of it. White and disco silver were the trending colours. My favourite looks were Dakota Johnson, Emma Stone, Anna Kendrick and Tina Fey's sexy lady tux (which I couldn't get a better photo of, sorry!).

2) Among the men, there was Mr. Walking Sex himself aka Jamie Dornan, being all scruffy and, well, sexy. God bless Buzzfeed for posts like these.

Among others, I also thought Jake Gyllenhaal looked especially fine and I loved David Oyelowo's (nailed it!) sparkly suit.

3) Okay so the show starts. I missed like 20 seconds of Amy and Tina's last ever Globe monologue *sobs*. They were pretty good. Loved the Emma Stone "Big Eyes" bit, especially her reaction.

Also Joaquin Phoenix being hilarious.

Can "Oh hey Joaquin" become some sort of viral catchphrase now? Like the opposite of "Bye Felicia"? Make it happen, universe. Also, is it me or is Joaquin slowly turning into Michael Stuhlbarg. I love Stuhlbarg but can we have looking like his hotter self from before? I mean, he used to look like THIS once upon a time.

And then there was the Amal Clooney bit. I want to be her so bad. Like be really intelligent while also looking like a goddess on earth.

They also played "Would you rather" and it was completely on point. Tina Fey's insistence on choosing Chris Pine was amazing and in that moment, I too was Tina. Finally, there was the Bill Cosby joke which was okay, just a little too long.

4) The first presenters were Benedict Cumberbatch who "volunteered" to come on stage with Jennifer Aniston. Aniston was wearing a dress with a thigh gap a la Angelina Jolie in 2012 Oscars except not as classy. Their bit was just weird. But then JK Simmons won and praised his above average children so all was well.

5) Mr. Walking Sex and Dakota Johnson came to present something but I don't remember what 'cuz who cares? Look at them! They're both so hot. I'm super looking forward to Fifty Shades of Grey.

6) JLo and Jeremy Renner came to present. I have no clue what JLo was wearing though Renner did make a comment on her "globes" so that was, um, nice? Fargo and Billy Bob Thornton won awards in their respective categories which was awesome!! Love both! Up until that time, I thought no one will beat Thornton's succinct and controversy-proof thank you speech but I was wrong. Still, it was great.

7) I want Colin Firth and Cumberbatch to come in a film together. But only after Cumberbatch and Alan Rickman come in a film together. This has nothing to do with the Globes. Firth presented The Imitation Game. I know it's the spiritual successor of The King's Speech but TKS was still so much better. And *I* am saying that.

8) Then the awkward North Korean film critic (?) thing started and it just went on for too long. It's sad that the last Amy and Tina hosted show had to go out like this. Still, we got another Cumberbomb.

9) My favourite win of the whole award show which *almost* saves it in my eyes is Gina Rodriguz getting Best Actress Comedy for Jane the Virgin. She is soooooooooooooooooooo good in that show and the show itself is fantastic and her speech was so heartfelt and beautiful, it made me tear up.

Oh and Ruth Wilson got Best Actress Drama for The Affair and though I don't watch that, FUCK YEAH ALICE MORGAN!

10) Transparent won Best Comedy Series and that was great too. Jill Soloway wore an awesome suit and she dedicated the award to the trans community and Leelah Alcorn.

11) Selma won for Best Song and Common's speech reminded me again why it is such a powerful film. The Theory of Everything won for Best Score which, though beautiful, has nothing on Mica Levi and Ross and Reznor imo.

12) Matt Bomer won Best Supporting TV Actor. He's so ridiculously good-looking. He's like a Mattel doll if Mattel made dolls inspired by Old Hollywood stars.

The second one's for Sati.

13) And from there, everything began to go downhill. Best Actress Comedy, an award that in a sensible and just world would have been won by Jenny Slate, went to Amy Adams for Big Eyes. I haven't seen Big Eyes, nor do I want to. The trailers make it obvious that Adam's role in this is as hilarious as it was in American Hustle last year. I'm going to go ahead and assume that Julianne Moore taking a dump in Maps to the Stars is funnier than anything Adams does in Big Eyes. Even Adams was not expecting it and her speech was terrible.

14) The Lego Movie didn't win Best Animated Feature which was sad. I love How to Train Your Dragon 2 but it's not even close to the brilliance of The Lego Movie.

15) Jared Leto came next with his stupid hair and his stupid beard and started talking. Every time Jared Leto talks, a fairy somewhere groans so loudly out of disgust that it falls down dead.

ugh jared leto makes me hate freedom
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) January 12, 2015

That was my favourite tweet re: Globes. Anyways, he presented Best Supporting Actress to Patricia Arquette who was all awesome and nerdy and she talked about single moms and about Meryl Streep and it was just lovely. Arquette for president!

16) Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig were great!! I think they should be the next Globe hosts. They presented Best Screenplay to Birdman which I didn't see coming at all. I loved Birdman but it's got nothing on Gone Girl.

17) Among the other television awards, Jeffrey Tambor, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kevin Spacey and that chick from Downton Abbey won. Tambor was great. They kept showing Jake during Maggie's speech so that was fabulous and her speech was too. She talked about how there are roles depicting complicated women out there nowadays and how that is a good thing. Spacey's speech was another excellent one. He dropped the f-bomb but then went on to say a beautiful anecdote about keep wanting to do better and made me tear up AGAIN! Screw these talented actors and their heartfelt speeches. Also this was Spacey's first Globe win which is insane.

18) Mommy was not nominated for Best Foreign Film so I wasn't really paying attention to it but apparently Ida didn't win so yaay!

19) One of my favourite things about the Globes used to be how they always get interesting presenters, from Shahrukh Khan to the real Philomena but this year they got Katherine Heigl. Just going to leave that here.

20) George Clooney got the Cecil B. DeMille Award. It was all good. I really liked the cilp they played. I had honestly forgotten how many superb movies he has come in. Oh and they showed Out of Sight clip but not the bathtub scene one, therefore missing a huge chance for getting a collective orgasm from the crowd and the viewers. But they did show Ryan Gosling so it balanced out. Clooney's speech was nice and he was all lovey-dovey towards Amal because who wouldn't be? Have you seen her?!

21) Linklater won Best Director which was awesome! Yes, I wanted Fincher to win more but it's okay. Linklater is one of the greatest filmmakers EVER and it's gladdening to see him finally get the recognition he deserves.

They've adopted him, haven't they? 

21) Chris Pratt and Anna Faris everyone.

#relationshipgoals

22) Michael Keaton won Best Actor Comedy and got all choked up when thanking his son. It was v. sweet. I still love Fiennes more but then The Grand Budapest Hotel won Best Film Comedy so I was happy overall. That was the first time I've heard Wes Anderson give a speech and it was appropriately quirky and funny.

23) Then the awards announcer dude was called the Best Film Drama the biggest award of the night, pissing me off YET AGAIN! Why do they always do that? Why the hierarchy? Have you seen the movies in Comedy this year? Come on, man.

24) At some point, Catherine Zeta-Jones had come to present something or the other and her dress looked really familiar to me. This is why:

oh shit. oh shit. it's her. #goldenglobes pic.twitter.com/2QIyqdyuLY

— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) January 12, 2015

I'll never be able to look at her, or the emoji, the same way again.

25) Then for Best Actress and Actor Drama, Globes fucked everything up. Moore got Actress. I love Moore, I really do, and I admit that I haven't watched Still Alice yet, but is there is no way she's better in a straightforward role like that than Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl. They could have easily given her Best Actress Comedy and awarded Pike for Drama. Fools! And then Redmayne won Best Actor Drama which was again idiotic as hell. Jake was freaking amazing in Nightcrawler. He too underwent a physical transformation for his role but it was to help with the emotional side of it, unlike Redmayne's who is *only* getting rewarded for the physical thing. Felicity Jones was the emotional heart of The Theory of Everything and the only one doing really awards-worthy work there. Redmayne is adorable as hell but I'm so disappointed in Globes.

26) Finally though, Globes did try to salvage the mess and awarded Boyhood Best Film Drama. Phew! I know it's fun to have some uncertainty and boring to have a clear-cut forerunner but we shouldn't begrudge an achievement like Boyhood for that, which works not because of the 12 years put into it but because of the heart put into it.

And that is it. I hope you enjoyed whatever this was. I'm going to leave you guys with a picture of hot George Clooney in a bathtub because unlike the Globes, I actually give people what they deserve (and we ALL deserve this). 

Byeeeee!