Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Film lovers are sick people. -Francois Truffaut

I have been writing about movies a lot in this blog...makes one (me) think that I have watched loads and loads of films. However, I have recently re-realised that my film knowledge is very restricted. I just haven't watched enough movies.
It technically wouldn't have mattered so much but the thing is that since time immortal I have known that I will do something related to movies in my life- a film critic, a film-maker, an old-fashioned cinema owner etc. And OBVIOUSLY I cannot possibly do any of these things if I haven't watched enough films!
So this got me thinking and I have come to the following conclusions why my filmiverse is so so small:

1) There are some types of films that I just do NOT watch-
(i) Unnecessary Drama- Two words- Nicholas Sparks. He is the ultimate king of all those awful films which are created to make people feel absolutely miserable. No I do not find The Notebook cute. Why? Because I couldn't see most of it through the deliberately forced misery that had filled my eyes. was not beautiful, I was crying because it was Nicholas Sparks' evil plan to make the people of the world suffer through his superfluos morbid stories!!! Oh how I hate him.

(ii) Westerns- I'm sure they are brilliant. But I am hesitant about them. I just have this feeling that I will hate them and I really don't want to go through the torture...thus I do not watch them at all. However I will get over this glitch...soon...and watch them. (Main reason- Inglorious Basterds is a minor tribute to them).

(iii) Sports Films- I hate sports and just don't seem to get sports films. However, I have watched a few and don't seem to have that big a problem with them.

(iv) Book Adaptations- With the exception of Big Fish, Tuck Everlasting and Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix, all films made from books are never ever as good as the books themselves. And this scares me a bit. After reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass again, I do undersrtand how flawed the film was and would have been absolute disastrous if anyone except Tim Burton would have made it. Very rarely are the films better than or as good as the books and for a book-lover it can be quite nightmarish to undergo a film that ruins a beloved novel. I think amongs the worst are Vanity Fair, various versions of Pride and Prejudice which try to bring about a twist but fail miserably, Twilight (actually can't decide which is worse) etc.

2) I am biased- I hate to admit this but I have the most immense difficulties watching films in which I don't know anyone or the fact that I hate whoever acting in it. This is a terrible thing. I, being a self-prefessed movie critic, am supposed to watch all movies and judge whichever ones are the best, and due to my prejudices I rarely ever watch a film in which everyone's unknown to me. Also there are some actors who I just cannot watch. Generally this list consists of terrible fakes like Miley Cyrus, Zac efron etc. but there are some big names which I cannot bear either. Among actresses, I hate Hilary Swank and Halle Berry. I mean I hate Hillary Swank so much that I prefer calling her Hillary Skank. And in the actors, well for some reason I just cannot stand Russel Crowe. I know for a fact that he is a brilliant actor but something about his face just infuriates and disgusts me till no end. I just cannot watch a film with him in it. I have watched The Gladiator, but that was years ago and whenever I try to watch it again, I just puke at his face and stop. It's really sad but it just cannot be helped.

3) I just haven't seen enough films- I am red-faced (metaphorically as I never ever blush) to profess that I have never seen a Martin Scorsese film. I know how horrible this sounds but I just have not. It sucks! I have only watched parts of Gangs of New York and The Aviator. When I was trying to watch The Departed on the TV, my father made me change the channel because of all the swearing and the one time Goodfellas was coming on TV, I did not know about it's brilliance and did not watch it because of it's name (this too being a sign of my discriminating nature). Oh the Horror!! :(
Also my knowledge of foreign films is deplorable.

4) Technical Problems- I am from a very Bollywood-oriented family. Up until about 8, my complete idea of "English Films" was whatever action and comedy films my father watched. After that I went through a complete Harry Potter phase in which I did not really watch anything else. Then when I came out of this phase at 12 was when I started watching a great deal of Hollywood films but then I moved back to Dubai where I didn't used to cable. Cable too wasn't enough...and I got my internet last year, i.e., at the age of 17 (and yes I know it's the 21st century). Also I am in my final year of school which basically means I cannot sit and watch films all day long. I don't go to movie theaters alot as my parents have this insufferable habit of converting prices here in the UAE to those in India and as a result I suffer. In India when I can actually watch a lot of films, not many release or they have an adult rating..and I still look 16. CD-wise again they are either too expensive or unavailable or just that my parents won't let me subscribe to a video shop as they think I watch too many films already (is it me or does this sound like me whinig about my failed life so far?)

But as shown in this totally useless and futile post, I do not watch enough films and have taken an oath to myself that I will watch atleast one movie a day once college starts.

P.S.- I love the title of this post. :)


  1. Quite a few of my own dilemmas there!
    Films are wonderful things, people should be allotted time per day only to watch a lovely, well made film.

    And I agree, Nicholas Sparks' book based films are DESPICABLE! It's all emotional blackmail, really.

  2. I use a lot of 'just's...damn my vocabulary, or rather the lack of it